Oh what an interesting week.
I've learnt a lot about myself.
Esp. 'bout how I deal with guilt and regrets.
Regrets pile on a hell of a lot of guilt for me sometimes,
and when there are anxieties in the air too (swine flu? final year of school? the future? global recession? gap year? friends that do drugs? family secrets? oh i could go on and on. :/), it doesn't help at all.
Usually makes it worse.
To the point that i'll profusely apologise to someone about something that i /might've/ done wrong, for something i'll only think i've done wrong, for example, i mean, i end up saying something like (i actually got worked up over something like this, aaaaages ago though)
"hey sorry i patted you on the back when you left to go home from school two hours ago hey"
and i'll apologise a hell of a lot too, for things that don't really need apologising for. See? I was just about to do it again.
'Sorry for the unclarity of this journal entry.'
I suppose that's a given though.
Mixed emotions = mixed words.
We're human after all. We're allowed mistakes.
'You live. You learn. You make mistakes.'
--- <-- [representing a passage of time in which i got up from the computer to get my toothbrush. i'm brushing my teeth now.]
what's that serenity prayer again?
"God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
the courage to change the things I can;
and the wisdom to know the difference."
okay, got it.
that's good advice.
also:
"don't sweat the small stuff."
Calls to/with/from my sister Rhoda help a lot, and I appreciate the encouragement/counselling/ideas/talk-time/communication.
This is helping too actually.
Streaming out my thoughts through a pencil that writes faster than a normal one because all the fingers can be used (i'm referring to the computer's keyboard ).
I just looked back up at all that apologising stuff and it might be a confindence confidence thing. I mean really? Apologising for patting someone on the shoulder? (I actually remember doing that... heh). Obviously she said it was alright and it didn't matter.
--- <-- [passage of time again, rinsed my mouth out, went to the toilet. packed some school stuff away too]
good friends. good friends. good friends.
everywhere.
long-distance, the awesome people i met online through dA and iSketch and stuff;
medium-length, the supercool people i know from my old school and in Perth; and
close range, the brilliant people i see pretty much everyday thanks to things like school.
i don't want to lose contact with anyone.
everyone's so great, so friendly, so fantastic.
thanks you guys.
best wishes,
Ronald Lopez / Rlopez10